Today in Tragic Photos

Jason Kempin/Getty Images for Clear Channel
Jason Kempin/Getty Images for Clear Channel

The twerking diaries: how to twerk?

Image by: HOWCAST/youtubeI am still an amateur! My husband said I’m, what’s the word he used? STIFF!!!  

I have no idea why this is such a huge deal. As I have mentioned in my last post, people have been shaking their azzes since the beginning of time.

Now that Miley with her no-azz-at-all azz TRIED to twerk, which was an absolute FAIL btw, everyone is so excited about shaking their azz now. Where was the media when Tip Drill came out?

This is the rated X version (I couldn’t find the clean version). If you are under 18 years old, you need to shut down the damn computer and read a book anyway. You are not allowed to view this on my blog.

I don’t have an opinion regarding the appropriateness of the video. I just wanted to demonstrate that twerking has existed for awhile and is highly entrenched in the Hip Hop community. This is a learning moment!!! See how I just turned soft porn into an academic experience? lol

TWERK IT, TWERK IT, TWERK IT…

Let me first start off by saying that I have tried twerking it for the hubby with no success. I hope there is a class on YouTube I can take to improve my technique (lmao); but just know that ish stays where it should, in the bedroom. However, I’m not throwing any shaderade your way. There is nothing wrong with your grown azz twerking on YouTube because you have the right to make a donkey of yourself. Personally, many people who are showing their jelly beans and pop cycles have some deep self-esteem issues that have never been resolved. Whatever you do in your free time is your business, and obviously all of YouTube.

The twerking phenom has been stripped and repackaged, this is just the 2013 version. People have been shaking their azzez since the beginning of time. Anyway, I could care less about millions of grown people bouncing their azzez on garbage containers, what isn’t appropriate is uploading a video of your child twerking it in some cut off shorts and a tank top. Parents be aware that there are child predators trolling the internet just looking for children to watch for their pleasure, and you are providing them with all the footage they need.

I know I sound real snooty right now and yall think I have my panties all in a bunch, but I have empathy and have tried Visualization and walked through a situation in which my child started twerking:

 I’m chilling over my cousin’s house and we watching the new Busta Rhymes video featuring Nicki Minaj. I guess the children heard the video “Twerk it” in the other room and decided to watch. I was uneasy because the video is nothing a child should watch, especially a little girl. There are gyrating women every where shaking every 3 inches of their 30 inches of azz. DANG. The kids started dancing, jumping around looking crazy, just messing around at first, then my little cousin decides she would dance like Nicki Minaj. At this point during my visualization I ignored her because my mental daughter Chloe, continued to do the awkward kid dances at first. Oh, but not before long, that little heffa started twerking and showing all these variations of twerking. I felt the anger rising and a wave of heat washed over me. I was seeing red. I continued my mental role play to get the full gist of what I would do if someone tried to video my baby. The drama continued when my little cousin wanted to do a split and twerk the floor while her mother recorded it with her iPhone. At that point in my role play, I snatched up my child and got the hell up out of there. You ain’t putting my child on the internet twerking no damn floor.

Ok, so after that experiment I knew that no parent in their right mind would feel comfortable about their child being posted online doing something that may be considered sexual in nature. If we analyze the twerking phenom for how it is defined, it is the representation of yourself as a sexual being and having a great time, and listening to banging music. That is appropriate for grown women, but not little girls or teenagers who should be worrying about school and participating in extracurricular activities. I’ve seen YouTube videos in which the mother is twerking on the side of her daughter, basically sending a message that this type of behavior is normal.