Dollar General sells alcohol? WTH

My 17 month old and I went to Dollar General for much needed cheap fingernail polish. We walked in and right at the front to the left was a collection of dranky drank (alcohol) lined up on multiple shelves. I was like, damn, if I wasn’t on a low calorie diet

I originally lived in Texas, a very conservative state, or as I would call it, hypocrite station. Texas alcohol is not served in Dollar General. In California, it’s serve every where. I’m surprised alcohol ain’t sold at Planned Parenthood because you can get the dranky drank ANYWHERE. #beingsillyashell

I’m a Grown Azz Man/Woman

Don’t you get tired of hearing that old phrase of I’m a grown ass man or I’m a grown ass woman? It’s starting to plague society like that ridiculous Television show Scandal is doing our TV air waves! I mean essentially if you are as grown as you say you are, you should not have to yell it out like a rambunctious child.

The first time I heard this phrase was from a crack head in the parking lot of Stater Bro’s because I failed to give her enough change for a snack at Jack -N- Box, so she say! The crack head became irate when I inquired about the purpose she needed two dollars. She responded “do you got it or not? Don’t be questioning me about no damn two dollars; I’m a grown ass woman!” Now if you know me, you know that I looked at her like you done lost your crack headed azz mind talking to me like that after I just gave you a dollar fifty of my hard earned money. I told her mam, I’m giving you this money because I’m a man of God first and I would want somebody to help me if I was hungry. But let’s be real, you on that powder! I know because I grew up with a crack head that once stole my Starter coat and wore it all summer then sold it for a 10 dollar rock!

Long story short, I informed her that true grownups don’t broadcast it, they show it, they live it, they about it.  Growing up is a process not a race. If it were that simple, we’d all be track stars. So if you’re one of those people that like to inform us all that you are grown because you pay 2 bills, please do some self-reflection and GET REAL!!@

Bossman,

Guest Writer

Stop and frisk? What about stop and shit?

Stop and Sh!t

I don’t live in New York and would have been just devastated if I were stopped for no apparent reason just so some profiling-azz cop could rub the gentle surface of my lady parts. I wonder what would have been a deterrent to officers who were about to stop and frisk an individual minding their own business?

Lets say California had a stop and frisk policy identical to NY‘s previous policy. Here is a scenario: My girl and I are getting our walk on and are harassed by a cop looking to get frisky.

In my little dream land, California has stop and frisk vendors that sell these very comfortable panties that has  two chemicals inside that smells like super sh!t when mixed together. To activate, you just smack your butt with your hand to mix the chemicals, and then your entire body is wrapped in this atrocious odor that burns the nostrils and throats of the policeman and the person wearing the panties. It’s like  mace but its an AZZ odor that deters the officer from completing his search. Ain’t no man or woman going to touch any person that smell like dead azz.

LMAO! I’m Being Super Silly Today

I understand that the government wants to clean up the streets, I see both sides of this situation. However, I can’t ignore the fact that the targeted individuals are persons of color. I’m pretty sure the police aren’t on fifth avenue  frisking people’s nut sacks (sorry if offensive), or bothering the women on Sex and the City with pat downs and ish!! I hope that the government can replace this policy with another pragmatic and fair doctrine that will apply to everyone without targeting specific populations.

My job interview caused a stroke

As some may know, I am working on my PhD right now and juggling a family and other responsibilities, so it is safe to assume that I am pretty sharp about certain things.

Image by blogs.thenews.com.pkBUT! Yes there is a but! I analyze myself daily and I know exactly how I work, how I think, and how I react. Job interviews are not the best settings for me to shine. Lol The last interview I had was so horrible I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry it was so
funny and devastating. It was a phone interview. I know you are thinking. Really? A phone interview? I can do that on the toilet while smoking a blunt? Well, as I said before, job interviews are not the the optimum settings for me to shine, it’s like the clouds are generating some serious shaderade on a sistah.

I won’t go into the entire interview, but they asked whether I had any programming experience, and I have but I think I suffered an anxiety-stroke attack ( made up condition) that shut down my brain and just anythang  fell out of my mouth. “I sponsored a Diva Day.” Soon as the words Diva and Day fell out of my mouth I knew these people thought I was crazy. Then they wanted me to elaborate on the nonsense, but I think they just wanted some entertainment. They knew it was ridiculous, I knew it was ridiculous, why continue highlighting this critical mistake? I explained that “Diva Day” was a Friday appreciation day for the office. I decorated the tables pink and black and brought cakes and other sweets for us to snack on all day. I boosted morale and it gave the staff an excuse to eat devil’s food for eight hours.

Y’all, those people were speechless!!!! and ready to get off that phone so quick after that explanation. I guess I can’t blame them, I’m from the deep south so I sound very different from what they are used to here in California. (Silly Southern Gal)

For the prudes, sometimes I make up my own words or spellings because its my blog and I can do that, OK, thank you!