Secondary Trauma

I’m tired today!

I try to keep myself in check, cuz I know that the things that come out of my mouth may offend or confuse many. Life is just so complicated that at the end of the day, drinking a single glass of wine is the only outlet that allows me to decompress…once the babies are soundly asleep in their beds of course.

There is so much happening in our country, in our world. In the US, there is so much racial tension, and throughout the world, innocent people are being murdered by terrorists. I have such a heavy heart today. I’m thinking about all those people murdered by a single evil psychopath. Adults and children taken from this world so abruptly, it causes people thousands of miles away to become so exhausted with the struggle of life on this planet.

We weep for the lost souls, but then we have to deal with our own realities. Suffering secondary trauma in your day to day life isn’t so much fun. When you have a career that interacts with the public in certain circumstances, you sometimes lose faith in humanity. You get a front row seat to the lives of individuals who live outside the norm, and you are stuck with making life changing decisions that affect those who you barely know.

Oh well! So much exposure to secondary trauma, so much exposure to the politics occurring in our country, and you almost train your brain not to care anymore. As the world becomes more violent, you learn to adapt to the madness. You learn to adapt to  the frequent loss of human beings that you don’t know personally, and you try to live in a world where violence against our fellow humans is the norm.

I’m tired today! But maybe tomorrow is a better day!

 

Election Shenanigans

While I’m on my work and school hustle, I can’t help but to listen to the election shenanigans going on in our country. Donald Trump always seems to rile up the masses with his crazy and racist rants, and Hilary Clinton has a gnat for boring the hell out of the masses with her dry commentary and overly conservative wardrobe.

Oh the Donald never lets me down with his orange tantrums and racist rants. Do I believe that he is a racist? Well, can’t we all say that we have some racist tendencies? The problem with Donald Trump is that he tends to let the world know his thought processes. He recently called Judge Gonzalo Curiel, who is presiding over his Trump University case, a “Mexican” and accused him of being biased because of his affiliation with “Mexican” organizations. Sigh, Sigh, Sigh. Donald, please get a grip on reality. Since your business venture of Trump University is a damn scam and you’re losing in court, you want to change the subject and start with the race bating. The poor judge he attacked wasn’t even from Mexico, he was born in Indiana, and his parents were immigrants from Mexico. Either way, attacking someone’s heritage because your ass is getting kicked in court is classless.

Furthermore, are we really surprised that Donald Trump is having one of many tantrums that he has demonstrated throughout the election process? This is the same guy who recently called the one African American supporter in a crowd “my African American.” Trump has no business in the political arena and his continuous rants and inappropriate comments tells me that he has no filter. Normal people who go to work everyday have learned to have a filter. Sometimes I want to tell people at work to kiss my azz, but since I want my job, I have learned to keep my mouth shut. Donald Trump should listen to his advisors and learn to shut the fck up and say the normal bull shyt that respectable presidential candidates bore us with every four to eight years.

So, maybe Hilary is a lot less insane than Donald Trump. She has lived in the White House while her husband got his junk molested by the intern. She has experience as a Senator and Secretary of State. Her resume looks better than Trumps, if you’re the type of person who cares about someone having experience for the job at hand. Problem with Hilary, she bores the shyt out of EVERYONE and her dry speeches makes me want to jump a near by cliff. We can complain about Donald and his crazy azz, but at least we know that Donald will at least keep our attention with his irate and outlandish responses to the media. However, no matter how much she bores me, she may still get my vote. I am quite normal and understand that having the right experience is important when running a country. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t entertain myself with the candidate’s flaws. I hate to say it, but Clinton just doesn’t excite people like Bernie Sanders or Barack Obama. I know some people only voting for Hilary because they think Bill Clinton is sexy as fck.

The Hilary scandals are just as significant as Donald’s. If you are a stickler for email reform, Hilary may not be the candidate for you. I am so sick and tired of hearing about this woman having an unauthorized email server.Well let me share some shyt with you…I could care less about some damn emails. I’d rather her having a secure email server than Donald Trump scamming people out of thousands of their life savings on some damn Trump University. The other scandal, well it involves this woman’s wardrobe and the cost of her suit jacket. She allegedly wore a jacket that cost $12, 495 during the New York Primary. Yeah, that’s a bit much. Will it change my mind to vote for Trump…no.

Beyonce’s Lemonade Stand

vanilla-lemonade-sl-xI have to admit that I was one of the millions of Beyonce fans to tune in to the HBO event that was Lemonade, featuring our beloved Beyonce. This is where the Bey Hive may come after me with their vile comments and misunderstanding of my personal opinion. I actually thought the documentary or movie…whatever you want to call it, was quite boring and depressing. But this doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the talent behind the work of art that she has created here. There has been a shift in the image that is Beyonce in the last couple of years. She has become quite elusive and mysterious, which has piqued the interest of people world-wide. We try to grasp or define the full persona of this world wide super star and she continues to change, to evolve with her art. So no matter if I liked the latest music, I continue to respect and admire that she is a woman who is continuously hungry for world wide domination.

Instead of going in to whether her music is about her marriage or not, I wanted to linger on the fact that there was such a strong black presence in the video, that I immediately wanted to scream YES! til I strained my vocal cords, because the women of color were depicted as beautiful, sexy, and strong. I appreciated these depictions of our women, as sometimes we are viewed in such a negative light in the media. Beyonce aggressively revealed love and anger throughout the video, something that all women have experienced and are experiencing throughout life.

If we take anything from the Lemonade stand, we should take Beyonce’s alleged heart ache and reconciliation, and think about our own journey of love, loss, anger, and reconcile. And although I view recording artists as a tool for entertainment, there is still something to be learned here at the lemonade stand. Women can learn that no matter your success in life, continue to strive for world domination, never be content, and always understand that there is always more to be done.

Although I don’t believe that my personal opinion is important and will be changed regarding the music, I have decided to support such a legendary artist by purchasing her latest album. Why? Because I am a supporter of women who attempt to exceed the boundaries of reality and dominate the conversation regarding social issues permeating in our society.

The next consideration for the Lemonade stand is whether it should be nominated for an Emmy? Before you think that it shouldn’t, we must first consider the effect that Lemonade has had on our society, and even the world. If we forget about some of the lyrics that may offend some, she has created an evolution in visual arts that no other artist has embarked upon, or has been as successful on such a massive scale. Personally, the artistic prowess of this piece deserves at least a consideration, if not the award itself. #lemonade #Beyonce

Failing at Anger Managment

There comes a time in our lives when we lose our ever loving mind because we have taken on too much responsibility that we can realistically bare. Let us not forget the sleep deprivation and the long days at the office.

Honescropped-images.jpgtly, I am effing exhausted! We choose our
own lives and our own paths, but that doesn’t mean that we are capable of fully negotiating the goals we have set for ourselves.

No matter how much you want something, sometimes you just ain’t gonna get it. I wish that I worked in a place similar to that of Texas. No matter the goofy, and embarrassing politics, working in Texas means a lot more than other places. I can genuinely say that I loved my work environment and made some life long friends.

However, when you’ve grown up in such an environment your entire life, moving to another state with different cultural expectations and values can leave you in a state of culture shock and sadness.

Getting on the matter at hand! Failed Anger Management? Another symptom of sleep deprivation and functioning in too many roles simultaneously is Anger. Right now, I think that I have said “I hate all human beings” at least twice a day for two months. It has become a pathological fixation on nonsense that makes me want to verbally lash out and purposely hurt someone’s feelings. Problem with that is, underneath the pathological anger shyt, there is this kind hearted person who is constantly apologetic for raving and behaving like an utter lunatic.

During my drive to work, the good days only include me screaming “fck you” at the top of my lungs when abruptly cut off by some weird looking miniature car that probably only runs on sea weed and cow shyt.

On days when I’ve only had a few hours of sleep, I become more suggestive with the middle finger. Recently, the amount of expletives dropping from my mouth have even stunned me. Where is all of this anger originating from? Your guess is as good as mine.

What I am sure of is that I feel peace at home with my babies and my awesome husband. Or shall I say my awesome fussy husband who probably fusses at me daily about things that I see as trivial. He is such a good husband and dad though that I can’t really complain. He is my rock. We are solid. But my anger outside the household is atrocious and it needs to be addressed.

If you don’t know how to treat an anger problem, these have been the most successful strategies of managing my anger:

  1. Understand that your anger should not be put on display at work: I’ve found that listening to really inappropriate music filled with expletives has a calming affect. You want to know why? Well, If I’m jamming Eminem, I can count on his lyrics to to address any insane problem I’m having that day. He raps about murder…though I don’t want to murder anyone, but at least giving me a visual from the music is entertainment. It serves as a distraction from the trivial shyt going on in my life.
  2. Ok, there really is no number two. I’ve resorted to listening to the most violent and ghetto music in order for me to at least pretend that someone knows my struggles. But really, how can a gangsta rapper know how it feels to write a dissertation proposal that has been plaguing your existence for almost two years?
  3. I try to  bombard my husband with my angry rantings and he seems to check out at some points. I guess if I were in his shoes and my wife only spoke the language of “fck that bitch, he gets on my fckn nerves, and this is my favorite…”well they can go and fck themselves with something hard and prickly”, I would rather check out too.

It has recently come to my intention that I chose a career that I hate, but that also challenges me. I love my career depending on the day. If I’m just out visiting with clients, I’m good. Most of the time I am listening to their nonsense. Other times, I’m trying to remember when my next facial, manicure, and pedicure is due.

And let me not forget to go in on these idiots who for some reason think its appropriate to complain about every fucking thing at the office. Dude, you are not there to live and give birth, you are there to work and not irritate your fcking coworkers. There are some fields that should not be so adversarial. Everyday there is a constant battle between good and evil at the job. I hate when people whispering when we all can still hear your ass BECAUSE WE ARE IN CUBICLES. And then there are the days when I hear some bull shyt that is so annoying and trivial at the same time that I just want to tell the perpetrator, “just go the fck away.”

 

 

 

 

Morbidly Obese and Still Beautiful? Bih Where?

After having a few babies, and struggling with the adversities of life, your weight may fluctuate through the years. Sometimes hitting the gym just isn’t in the cards when you have to pick of two small children after working full time, and still have to get home to do research for a dissertation. So, its safe to assume that I am a curvy woman. Thick in the areas where it counts I guess. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself no matter the size, but when I look at this video, all I see is someone who struggles to get up a flight of stairs, and who is obviously lying about her blood pressure. This heifer said that her blood pressure was at “athletic levels.” Bih stop lying! When my weight starts increasing, my blood pressure shoots through the roof and I start hearing my heart beat in my ears. No way in hell she is healthy at 400 pounds. Then this Bih said her number one goal in life is to reach 500 pounds. Well good luck with getting laid. There are some men who are turned on by morbidly obese women, but exactly what avenue the guy will take to get the cookie is beyond me. 

While the “model” gorged herself with odd combinations of food items, she stood around naked most of the video. It’s cool to love your size, but why show your naked azz for the world to see? There are plenty of big beautiful women who demonstrate their bountifulness while properly dressed. She said after high school she went straight into “online work”. Well what ever happened to attending college, or a trade school, or anything else other than eating for a living?

Now, the mother may have some untreated mental health issues here. This loser encourages her daughter to be weird and icky online. When I gain weight, my mother is the first to say, “ooh you din’ gained weight, boo boo.” No way in hell would she encourage me to gain weight, take off my clothes, and post half naked pictures on the internet. And let me say this, if my mother found me eating for money online she would beat my grown naked azz and drive me down to the nearest university to get an education.